I’ve been out of school for a week now. Gallatin’s the exact same. I’m tired of it. I’m ready to go back to school honestly. I’m ready for next semester to start. I’m depressed, or at least on the verge of it. I can’t find a job. I can’t find someone to care for me. I can’t find happiness.
Fuck wishful thinking
You know, maybe I’m being brash or maybe I just need to calm down, or something but literally fucking wishful thinking. I hate that I’m so damn worrisome all the time. I can’t let anything just happen. I’m always waiting for something to go wrong or looking for something bad. And maybe I’m right, maybe everything I think is happening really is, but you know what....
I always fuck shit up. I fuck up friendships, I fuck up relationships. I just ruin everything and I hate it. I’m a horrible person and I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. I’m not suicidal at all but I just hate life right now, just all of it.
I’m back in Chattanooga now. It’s kind of strange being back honestly. I feel comfortable but empty. I don’t feel like anyone I know is here. I feel kind of alone. I feel weird about my classes as well. Everything just feels weird. Maybe being out tomorrow will help with that. Who knows.
I can’t sleep.
It’s funny how much stress you can be in and then all of a sudden it’s just completely lifted off. I’m really happy right now. I have my MacBook. And I love it, even though I didn’t get the kind I want but at least I have one. But I hate the Internet here.
Right now, I’m kind of lonely. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t have anything to do. I want a job but these damn dance practices put such a dampening on that. I’m just really upset right now.
I feel much better now. Quite a bit. I cut out the second dance, as much as I loved it. I couldn’t let my art go out like that. I worked extremely hard on it and it needed to be appreciated how I envisioned it and having 6 people if that would not do it justice. I had a pretty good night. I’m glad I go out as much as I do now. I feel really good about myself and where I am with my...
I’m very stressed right now. I just finished my first semester of college a week ago. My GPA isn’t that great. Like, it’s really disheartening how bad it is. I completely understand why it’s so bad. I didn’t come in to school thinking I would have to study for anything, and that’s exactly how I kept it. I didn’t study. I went to tests just hoping for the...